"Always do whatever's next."

George Carlin

"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."

George Carlin

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."

George Carlin

"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."

George Carlin

"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."

George Carlin

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

George Carlin

"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established."

George Carlin

"Electricity is really just organized lightning."

George Carlin

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

George Carlin

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."

George Carlin

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